The 10 worst bits of advice about stopping smoking – continued!
Last week I gave you ten waste-of-time tips that you can find on any website about stopping smoking. Well, I hope I’m not boring you but my own article prompted me to keep looking and I want to share some more with you. Just to add to the fun, I’ve added a few comments of my own. With thanks also to Jo, who rang looking for a Leeds hypnotherapist, for pointing some great websites out to us.
1.Have a shower (uhuh, feel clean, then smoke a cigarette)
2. Read a book (if you can concentrate)
3. Count up how much money you’re saving not smoking (assuming you’re not smoking)
4. Do some exercise (while taking a shower and reading a book?)
5. Clean your house (how many times – they don’t say)
6. Write a letter or send an email (write a letter and use it to roll a cigarette)
7. Go somewhere you can’t smoke, like a cinema (and smoke when you come out)
8. Cook yourself something special and savour every mouthful (and count up how much money you’re spending on all this extra food)
9. Do a crossword or puzzle (OR???)
10. Remind yourself about the medical conditions smoking can contribute to (seriously now, they list Crohn’s disease here. I have Crohn’s disease, and I can tell you this is nonsense, it has nothing to do with smoking. Trust me, I know this stuff)
Now a list of long-term distractions:
1. Take up a hobby that keeps your hands busy, such as painting or learning a musical instrument (and remember, artists and pianists never smoke while they’re working!)
2. Plan how you’re going to spend the money you’re saving (what, after all that special food, not to mention the piano?)
3. Decorate your home and get rid of the nicotine stains on your walls and ceilings (oh yes, and where do you put the grand piano while your doing that? And by the way, they’re not nicotine stains, they’re tar stains.)
4. Take up a sport and enjoy how much fitter you are (if you’re a 76-six year old with arthritis do take this carefully)
5. Join a stop-smoking group through your local NHS stop-smoking service (oops, they’ve given themselves away!)
OK, here are some more:
1. Write a list of reasons why you want to stop (this should keep you busy for, let me see, thirty seconds?)
2. Set a date for stopping (you know, like you did last time, and the time before)
3. Tell everyone that you are giving up smoking (or don’t, in case you don’t. Remember how silly you looked last time?)
4. Get rid of ashtrays, lighters and all cigarettes (and never, ever, go into a corner shop, garage or supermarket)
5. Be prepared for some withdrawal symptoms (and …..?)
6. Anticipate a cough (and this helps you to stop smoking how?)
7. Be aware of situations in which you are likely to want to smoke (like waking up, getting out of bed, having the first cup of coffee, waiting for the bus to work, getting off the bus to work ….)
8. Take one day at a time (there are only 365 in a year, remember)
9. Be positive (that you don’t want to smoke, or you do?)
10. Food – some people worry about gaining weight (and some don’t worry, but still do)
11. Don’t despair if you fail (remember, the last time you will ever smoke will be at the crematorium)
11. Stop-smoking clinics are available on the NHS (ah yes, the NHS, funny you should mention them, because …)
12. Various medicines can increase your chance of quitting (aha, I wondered when we were going to come to these)
Finally, here’s another batch. I won’t tell you whose website they’re on until the end, although I have a feeling it won’t exactly come as a surprise:
1. Know why you want to stop (hang on, haven’t we heard this somewhere before?)
2. Going cold turkey isn’t easy (this is a tip?)
3. Consider nicotine replacement therapy (they mean products, of course)
4. Ask about prescription medication (this isn’t a commercial by any chance, is it?)
5. Don’t go it alone (drive off Beachy Head with a friend)
6. Manage stress (oh, so that’s the answer to the stress of stopping smoking)
7. Avoid lighting up triggers (also avoid lighting up cigarettes)
8. Clean the house (boy is your house going to be clean)
9. Try and try again (and don’t forget, buy your products here)
10. Get moving (what, you’ve just cleaned the house to death and now they want you to move?)
11. Eat fruit and veg (and do not try to light carrot sticks)
12. Choose your reward (um, packet of twenty?)
13. Do it for your health (I bet you hadn’t thought of that one!)
OK, now I’ll tell you – this is from Boots, who if I remember rightly flog nicotine replacement products.
Now look, if you think I’m being just a bit facetious, you would be right, but hey, who’s to stop me? My reason for all this is not that the advice is wrong (actually, some of it is) but that it’s pathetic. I said this last week but it’s worth repeating; there is plenty smokers need to be learning without wasting their time on these platitudes. For at least some real advice visit www.stopsmokinguk.org.
News
We are pleased to announce the launch of a new website specially for our Manchester hypnotherapy branches. At present this has details of our Sale and Rochdale hypnotherapists, but will be further developed as we add more branches in the Manchester area. Find this at www.hypnotherapymanchester.org.uk.